The other side of Cape Town

I know a lot of people have been asking how work has been going. It's not that I don't want to talk about it, it's just that once I start talking I just start gushing. Work is hard and emotionally draining. I will use this post just to let it all out today.  There are two parts of South Africa I have come to know.  There is Cape Town where people drive Audi's and BMW's. The morning bustles with commuters coming into the city as most people don't actually live in Cape Town, but in the surrounding suburbs.  Cape Town is expensive and to actually live here would mean you work to pay your rent' that's it.  Monday to Friday I head out to the surrounding towns. I work in the areas of serious poverty. Shanty towns. One room shacks with no running water. Two beds but ten people living in a room not big enough for five grown adults to stand in comfortably. One of the offices I work out of has one of the highest cases for child abandonment. We are called out to investigate children left in drains, left at hospitals or left in fields.  Mothers attend the office in droves to drop off their children. This week I've been dealing with a woman who is 27 with five children. She doesn't want this life and doesn't want her kids. This is very common. Teenage pregnancy is on the rise along with HIV/AIDS as condoms are still taboo. I'm told that Sex is not something discussed at home. Children are sent to the clinic. At the clinic they learn more about sex. Birth control is free but people still prefer skin to skin. I ask' but what about HIV? .. the young girls say they want to keep their men...

I walk down streets on cold mornings to see children playing in drains with no shoes no pants no parents. Some days I feel like my heart is just going to tear apart. I'm just going to start crying and not be able to stop. Today we came upon a child with down syndrome no older than 2 left on his own, just crying. On day's like today I feel so small so inadequate... I just want to take him home.  We discovered a case today of a small child that was being molested. The mother is distraught and has no idea who's been doing it or when it might have happened. With so many people coming in and out the possibilities are endless. The system here is backlogged I'm told...she has been waiting for help for almost five months. I go to the bathroom to release my breakfast. I'm angry, I'm disgusted, I'm frustrated! I cry for a good 10 seconds... then return to work.  I feel the world has gone mad. I know there is purpose but when there are so many days like today I really have to search deep to stay positive. Cat say's I'm optimistic beyond rationale at this point. She says that after everything we've seen this far my outlook is distorted. However, I must hold onto hope that there are still men and women striving to change their life and the lives of their children. They are the reason why I do what I do.

A large number of school aged children don't attend primary school... instead they roam 

In the Shanty Village there is no running water inside the shacks. You have to walk to the communal areas to use the bathrooms. This is where many of the young girls are raped/attacked

 Children play in these open areas and in the drains ... the child below was just off to the side with no parent around playing in the sewer  

WoW it's been awhile!

So much has changed since I first decided to start this blog.  For those of you noticing the earlier entries...hey, I tried to be creative...but school got in the way :)

At this point in life I am excited and thrilled to be living life to the fullest. With school almost finished and the recent arrival of my 30th birthday I must admit that time is moving faster than me, but I have on my lowest heels (with grip) to keep up!!

I have always dreamed of the mother land... AFRICA and finally have the blessing of going for 3 1/2 months! There are so many things that could have prevented this journey but by the Grace of God it is and has happened.  I will try my best to keep everyone updated but already I can see how hard it is going to be! With a six hour ahead time change and a steady work schedule, I will have to acquire some serious time management.

There are so many times in life where I have felt down. I've wondered where I was going, where I was going to end up. At times fear halted my footsteps. But, I have stayed true to me and believe that patience has brought the best blessing. Right now dreams that were always just that..  have now become a reality. Being human I must admit that at times I do worry at times I fret but right now, I know ...

I am exactly where I need to be when I was supposed to be here.

Silent Reflection

Today was a long day. I worked another Saturday at the court house in order to get another vacation day for the school year next term. After I finished work I should have come home and relaxed ...however instead I ended up aimless in the mall. I bought a new pair of winter boots from Capezio that will last me for quite a few winters, making it well worth the price!

Although the new purchase cheered me up a bit, I was still feeling a little cloudy. After leaving the mall I drove back across town to attend the 60th Birthday Party of a man I adore like a second dad. I'm really glad that I didn’t let my sober mood make me miss out. There was lots of Laughs, Food, and Love, as there always is at every family event :)

Although this is where I should be saying the evening ended in a perfect note, it didn’t. Instead I'm home...blogging. There were sooo many kids!! Did I mention I love Kids! (Well to be more specific the ones I love and know :) Lately, as I slowly get closer to my 30th year my priorities and feelings are changing. My mind is constantly bombarded with thoughts of me getting older, school not being finished, the thought of if or when I'll have kids. These thoughts and feelings plague me quite frequently now. I know that it's not realistic to have a child right now, but at the same time I feel as though since I've changed from not wanting to have kids to wanting them, I suddenly feel the loss. I know I have friends and family that support me... yet at times the room is full but empty. I know this feeling is pronounced today because my internal barometer is cloudy and overcast. As humans it's so interesting that we all crave a want to be loved, accepted, and belong. Today watching everyone with their families made me sad. I too wanted to pack up my 'herd' and run out to the car. Instead, I walked to mine alone. I know that tomorrow I'll probably question why I would post such a sad sounding blog. But, I want to use my page as a release from the things that sometimes we are too scared to say out loud. And hopefully this will encourage me to live free of fear! To live my best life. I know that this day will pass, and tomorrow this will be an afterthought, but I'm glad that tonight I took the time out to just 'feel my moment'.