Today was a long day. I worked another Saturday at the court house in order to get another vacation day for the school year next term. After I finished work I should have come home and relaxed ...however instead I ended up aimless in the mall. I bought a new pair of winter boots from Capezio that will last me for quite a few winters, making it well worth the price!
Although the new purchase cheered me up a bit, I was still feeling a little cloudy. After leaving the mall I drove back across town to attend the 60th Birthday Party of a man I adore like a second dad. I'm really glad that I didn’t let my sober mood make me miss out. There was lots of Laughs, Food, and Love, as there always is at every family event :)
Although this is where I should be saying the evening ended in a perfect note, it didn’t. Instead I'm home...blogging. There were sooo many kids!! Did I mention I love Kids! (Well to be more specific the ones I love and know :) Lately, as I slowly get closer to my 30th year my priorities and feelings are changing. My mind is constantly bombarded with thoughts of me getting older, school not being finished, the thought of if or when I'll have kids. These thoughts and feelings plague me quite frequently now. I know that it's not realistic to have a child right now, but at the same time I feel as though since I've changed from not wanting to have kids to wanting them, I suddenly feel the loss. I know I have friends and family that support me... yet at times the room is full but empty. I know this feeling is pronounced today because my internal barometer is cloudy and overcast. As humans it's so interesting that we all crave a want to be loved, accepted, and belong. Today watching everyone with their families made me sad. I too wanted to pack up my 'herd' and run out to the car. Instead, I walked to mine alone. I know that tomorrow I'll probably question why I would post such a sad sounding blog. But, I want to use my page as a release from the things that sometimes we are too scared to say out loud. And hopefully this will encourage me to live free of fear! To live my best life. I know that this day will pass, and tomorrow this will be an afterthought, but I'm glad that tonight I took the time out to just 'feel my moment'.
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